Sick Excuses Are My Love Language Hoodie

Why say “I love you” when you can say “Sorry, I’m suddenly violently ill”?

This hoodie pays tribute to the elite tier of dating drama — the Second Date Update where Samantha ghosted Mike with more fake flu symptoms than a pharmacy. Whether it’s a sore throat, mystery migraine, or that “weird stomach thing again,” this hoodie says what your text messages already do: commitment? Nah, I’m not feeling well.

Soft, snarky, and 100% emotionally unavailable, this hoodie is for those who’d rather cancel plans than confront feelings. Because real love might be scary, but pretending to cough is safe.

🧵 Product Details:

• Unisex fit from S to 5XL

• 50% pre-shrunk cotton, 50% polyester
  (Heather Sport Dark Navy: 40% cotton / 60% poly)

• Fabric weight: 8.0 oz/yd² (271.25 g/m²)

• Air-jet spun yarn = soft & cozy, even when you’re fake-sick

• Double-lined hood + matching drawcord

• Front pouch pocket to hold your tissues and excuses

• Quarter-turned body to avoid that annoying center crease

• Available in 7 classic “not showing up” colors: Black, White, Navy, Dark Heather, Red, Military Green, Sport Grey

🎁 Also Available As:

• Sarcastic breakup T-shirt

• Excuse-friendly sweatshirt

• Coffee mug for those sick day sips

• Poster for your “Out of Service” energy

💘 Perfect For:

• Chronic plan cancelers

• Introverts who ghost with grace

• Fans of Samantha & Mike’s allergy to commitment

• People who need alone time like others need oxygen

• Anyone who’s ever fake-coughed their way out of a date